


mADDness in Wonderland

by rainsonata



Category: Elsword (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Inspired by Alice in Wonderland, yes I may have been half asleep coming up with this concept
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 19:25:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19215937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainsonata/pseuds/rainsonata
Summary: Base Add gets lost in the forest chasing a white rabbit.  All of the forest inhabitants seem…weird.  Alice in Wonderland AU.  Crackfic.  WARNING: Characters may be OOC because it’s…crack.





	mADDness in Wonderland

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you [@dezimaton](https://dezimaton.tumblr.com/) for the cute drawing! 
> 
> Originally posted on May 5, 2015 on tumblr. 
> 
> I would like to thank dez for fueling these weird crack ideas I get from driving. This is probably a sign I need more sleep.

Add was searching through the forest again.  The sixteen year old prodigy had one hand on his forehead.  He grimaced at the sweat that stuck to his hands like hot oil.  Add scanned the area, trying to see past the many trees and shrubs.   

Before he could investigate further, he heard a twig snap.  When he approached the source of sound, he spotted a figure.   _Could it be Eve?_  Add thought with excitement.  Perhaps the nasod queen was foolish enough go through the forest by herself.  Just as he was about to launch himself at the figure, he suddenly stopped mid-jump when he saw the person’s face.    

The person wore a white hooded jacket over a black shirt and a pair of dark pants.  He had messy hair and an eye patch over his left eye.  Add blinked when he registered that the person shared his face.  He looked like Add, maybe a couple of years older.    

White floppy ears perked on the white haired boy’s head, but how was that possible?  He had human ears, but a second pair of ears that looked like rabbit ears?  Add then noticed that he was hugging a giant stopwatch.                 

“You!” Add shouted at him, “Have you seen Eve?”

“No,” the other shook his head quickly.   

Before Add could say another word, the rabbit eared Time Tracer shook his head again and said, “Not now!” He ran pass Add with little interest in interaction.  “I’m going to be late!”  

Add glared at Time with annoyance.  “Hey, wait!” He chased after him.  “Come on!”

The older teen hopped when he ran.  Time Tracer looked ridiculous with the clumsy uneven jumps he took when trying to get away.  Add shook his head.  Why was he paying attention to that kind of detail?  He managed to get within a few feet of the tracer when Add fell over face first.  Add looked up just in time to see the Time Tracer getting away, still holding onto that stupid stopwatch like his life depended on it.  Everything went black as Add passed out. 

* * *

Add woke up to a strong fragrance that smelled like tea.  He rubbed his eyes as he got up from the ground, dusting some dirt from his white pants.  Add nearly lost his balance again when he followed his nose, stopping at a long table set up at the end of the path.       

The table was covered with a white tablecloth.  There were several tea pots placed in each corner of the table.  When he opened one of the pot lids, the steam rose straight to his face, making him hack for a few seconds before closing the lid.  Some of the teacups had odd designs.  Add lifted one cup in particular with a confused expression.  Why did this cup have cats on it?    

Surrounding the teapots were platters filled with delectable pastries that made Add’s stomach gurgle.  Add reached out to grab an eclair, but a hand grabbed his and prevented him from doing so.  

Add froze when he turned to see that he was but inches away from Diabolic Esper’s face.  The time traveler wore a high collared suit that looked out of place with the smirk on his face.           

“Just what do you think you’re doing?” Esper asked.  “If you wanted tea, you could have said so~!” The cheery tone did not match one bit with the shit eating grin the bastard was giving to him.  Add tried to make Esper loosen his grip, gulping when he realized he was cornered.  

With little argument, or rather, after Esper ignored all of Add’s incoherent complaints, he pushed an unwilling Add into one of the chairs.  Add grumbled when he had to sit next to the insane man.  The young teen did a double take when he noted that Esper wore a top hat with a top that looked like it could fall off any time.  

“A guest?”  A new voice popped out of nowhere.  Already surprised by Esper’s appearance, Add warily looked to the side to see that someone was sitting next to him.    

Arc sat up and yawned.  Only when he scratched his head with a tired smile did Add notice the big round ears Arc had on his head.  Mouse ears?  What was with this strange forest and its inhabitants having two pairs of ears?      

“There are more of you?” Add said out loud with dread.  “Where am I?  And how do I get out of here?”  

“You’re so rude,” a third person commented.  It was Psychic Tracer, who was sitting next to Arc.  Psych had a pair of hare ears.  Or were they rabbit ears?  Whatever, both looked the same.  Just how many people are at this table?    

Arc stuffed a croissant into Add’s mouth to make him shut up.  “You talk too much.”  He yawned as he laid his head on the table in an attempt to sleep again.  

Add angrily took big bites out of the pastry before swallowing them down.  His stomach was filled up after taking in a couple more bites along with some jammed bread.  He then noticed Time hopping past the table in a rush, still hugging his precious stopwatch.      

“Hey, you!” Add shouted at the rabbit eared teen.  “Why did you run away?”  Time froze in his tracks, wide eyed, looking around frantically for a place to hide.  What was his problem?  

“Time!” Arc sat up again, “Join us for tea!” Arc grabbed him by one hand with a smile.  

“Don’t you want some?” Psych grabbed Time’s other hand.  

“Guys…” Time hissed at them, “Esper!  He’s-!”  The eye patched teen stopped as the twins gave him a creepy smile with a low chuckle.  

“If we’re going to suffer with him, then you’re joining us,” Psych hissed back.  

“Abandoning us wouldn’t be nice now, would it?” Arc cheerfully added as he gave the teen a hug that only made Time more uncomfortable.  If Esper heard any of their words, he didn’t show it.  The time traveler was still sipping a cup of tea with an expression of amusement.  

Through a miracle of some kind, Time joined them at the table with teacup in hand.  It was the most awkward tea party Add had ever attended.  It was more like listening to four different people talking about their own interests at the same time.  Arc went back to sleep somewhere in between and started sleep talking about A.I.s and nasod upgrades.  Time and Esper were both mumbling equations, but Esper kept interrupting Time with a smirk and snide comments.  Psych was the only one Add was actively listening to because he was the closest.    

“And then, if you do this, the nasod armor…” Psych chattered with excitement.

“Could someone tell me what the hell this place is?” Add cut off Psych’s sentence without any guilt.  He pointed at all the tracers.  “Why do you have all have extra ears?  And why do all of you look like me?”

“It’s simple,” Time said with boredom,  “It’s because…”

“Want more tea?” Psych offered another cup to the Time Tracer.  Time sighed and batted the cup away with one hand.    

“You should accept it from him,” Esper said with a strange smile.    

Time didn’t respond, never making proper eye contact with the time traveler.  As soon as Esper opened his mouth, Time lost his composure and stuttered when he asked for milk and sugar from Arc.  He took the cup from Psych with hesitance.  His hand shaking when he brought the cup to his lips to take a small sip.    

“You’re all mad,” Add glared at the four that looked like him.  

“No, no, but listen!” Psych tapped on Add’s shoulder to get his attention.  “You need to hear about the time I!”

In the middle of that sentence, Psych started jumping up and down in his seat.  He animated a few punches here and there for emphasis, and accidentally punched Add in the stomach.  Add almost threw up when he experienced the young brawler’s strong punch.  However, he didn’t even have the time to think about doing that because the punch sent Add flying into the sky.      

“There he goes…” Time mumbled as he watched Add fly off without sign of falling back down.  Seeing that Arc and Esper were both busy waving good bye to the flying teen, Time took advantage of the distraction and snuck away.     

* * *

Add’s fall was brought to a sudden end when he landed on something.  The fall should have killed him, and yet he was still alive and breathing.  He was starting to question the logic of this forest.  

“Can you get off?” A grumpy voice made Add jump.  Add was quick to get off when he realized that his weight was on a man’s back.

At first glance, Mastermind looked normal.  He didn’t have extra ears like the tracers and he wasn’t laughing in a creepy manner while sipping tea like Esper.  Add thought it was safe to assume that perhaps Mastermind was normal.  Until the younger teen looked at the rest of his body.  

The upper body of Mastermind was that of a human’s.  He wore a purple vest and had arms, but as soon as Add looked past where the waistline was to end, it then became clear that Mastermind was not human.  Mastermind was a centaur of some kind, except instead of having hooves, he had a plethora of millipede legs.  Add was disgusted.  He took it all back.  Everyone in this fucked up forest was a mutant.   

“What are you staring at?” Mastermind took a sip from a cup of coffee.

“Where am I?” Add spitted out.  

Mastermind studied the sixteen year old tracer in question.  If he was anything like the other forest inhabitants, he was probably strange too.  Mastermind then sneered, “A hello would be nice.”

“Ok, fine, hello.”  Add rolled his eyes.  “Where am I?” He repeated the question.

“I would have answered,” Mastermind shrugged nonchalantly.  “If you weren’t so rude about it. You did just kindly ‘drop’ in.”  

Add wanted to scream.  Nobody in this forsaken forest were listening to him or answering his questions!  “I just want to know where I am so I can get out of this hell!”

“You sure talk a lot for someone so small.” Mastermind didn’t seem to acknowledge or notice the irritation seeping through Add’s voice.  The ponytailed man then laughed, “You can always go make use of that brain and do something.”

Was Mastermind calling him stupid?  Unbelieveable.  He just wanted to know where the hell he was so he could get back and find Eve.  Was it too hard just to hand him a map and let him be on his way?  Add fumed.  Why did everyone here treat him like a child?  He was sixteen!

However, that anger soon dissipated when Add spotted something shiny.  In the middle of the wooded area was a round table with a small stool.  On top of the table was a glass bottle that read “Drink Me”.  Beside the glass bottle was a plate of chocolate cake with a strawberry on top.  An index card was placed in front of the cake that read “Eat Me”.    

“I wouldn’t touch that,” Mastermind noticed that Add had his eyes on the bottle and cake.   

Add ignored the warning and approached the table.  Twisting his body to look at Mastermind, he made the effort to open the bottle drink and took a big swallow from it.  He pulled down the lower part of his left eyelid and stuck out his tongue at the bastard.  Add enjoyed watching Mastermind twitch at the childish act until everything around him started to look bigger.    

Add spilled out profanities when it finally occurred to him that he was shrinking.  He was at the height of Mastermind’s waist by the time he reached at the table to grab hold.  Add was only a few inches tall when Mastermind walked over to the table (El, it was creepy watching him walk with those legs) to break off a tiny piece of the cake and offer it to Add.  Without hesitance, Add took the bit of cake, more like a crumb, and took a bite.  As soon as it touched his tongue, he stopped shrinking and Add let out a sigh of relief.    

“I warned you,” Mastermind said.

“I didn’t ask for your opinion,” Add grumbled.   

“Oh shush,” he was starting to lose his patience.  “You said you wanted out of this place?”  Add nodded.  “Then listen to me, brat.”

“So?” Add grabbed another piece of cake and took a bite, savoring the chocolate flavor using the tip of his tongue.  “Where do I go?”  Add felt a sense of relief when he returned to his normal height as before.  Much to his disappointment, he was still shorter than Mastermind.  

“There is this person who knows the way out,” Mastermind said with a pause, “The…queen.”  

There was a snicker from the millipede man when he uttered the last two words.  Add cocked his head to the side.  Was Mastermind setting him up for a stupid trap?  He shrugged.  If it was a trap, he could always fight his way out like he did in the past.  Whatever, he just wanted to leave and get away from all this insanity.  

* * *

It had been an hour since Add entered through the front gate of the castle.  As he went past another rose bush in the royal garden, Add started to wonder if he was lost.   

Add casted his eyes over to a plastic table conveniently set up under some shade.  Was that…a chocolate bar?  The teen’s mouth watered at the thought of eating it.  But what if it made him shrink or grow bigger again?  As if responding to the uncertainty, Add’s stomach let out a gurgling noise.  Damn it all if it made him grow or shrink.  He was hungry.  As Add was about to grab the chocolate bar, a strong hand gripped him.  

“What do you think you’re doing?” The man said in agitation.  He had short spiky white hair.  After seeing his own face at least five times, Add was not surprised to see that the man looked like him too.  Except…it was what he wore.  Just…what was he wearing?

Lunatic Psyker’s face was flushed red, attempting to cover himself with both arms.  A laced red dressed covered his body, barely covering the muscles on his chest.  Heart shapes layered on top of the dress’ design.  Why was there a chest hole?  Just why?  Add wished he never asked Mastermind directions to this place.

“Y-you!” Add found his voice after an awkward silence.  “You’re…” His voice went small, “the Queen of Hearts?” He gawked at the heart designs on Psyker’s red dress.

“Yeah, you got a problem with that?” The man growled, careful not to move so much that it might rip the dress.  

“I need to get out of this place!” Add shouted.

Psyker covered his ears at the brat’s screaming.  Geez, did the kid not know what an indoor voice was?  “What place?” He was unimpressed with Add’s bluntness.  

“This…nightmare!” Add said in aggravation.  “I need to get out of this forest!”

“There is no way out,” he still had his hand on the chocolate bar.  “And this is mine.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Add huffed.  And what did he mean there was no way out?  There had to be.  There was no way Add was going to spend the rest of his life living with these nutcases.  He leered at Psyker’s dress.  “Why are you wearing that?”

“What?”

 _Crap, maybe it wasn’t a good idea to ask that question_ , Add thought too late.

“Well, it looks too tight on you,” Add tried to explain, but the damage was already done.  If looks could kill, the one Psyker was sending him would have killed him a dozen times over.

“Are you saying there’s something wrong with the way I look?” Psyker had one hand on his hip.  

“Hey, I’m not the one wearing a dress that’s clearly too small for me!” Add blurted.  For the love of…the dress was barely covering that man’s torso and chest.  It looked more uncomfortable than anything.

“Maybe I won’t tell you how to leave after this chat is over,” Psyker glowered at him.  “We’ll just have to settle this…”

Add felt his throat go dry.  Was he planning to behead him?  Or punch him into the sky like Psych did earlier?  Out of all the way to die and he was going to the other side because he didn’t watch his mouth and insulted this man with shitty fashion senses.  Who wears a tight dress with those horrible heart patterns?    

“What do you want, Psyker?” A new voice approached from behind.  

Add spun around to see who it was.  Mastermind?  The millipede man had his arms crossed, although he was not the only one entering the garden.  Following Mastermind were the rest of the tracers and Esper.  Time was walking briskly across the stoned path, trying to stay calm but failing to because Esper held him in a tight grip.  Add couldn’t help but pity the poor rabbit-eared Time Tracer, who was avoiding eye contact with a too happy Esper.  

With Time occupied, Psych had to carry Arc piggyback style.  The young brawler had his body tilted forward to make sure Arc wouldn’t slip off.  It was almost expected to see Arc sleeping as he was carried by Psych.  The Arc Tracer had his eyes closed, giving out occasional light snores.

“What are they doing here?” Add wondered out loud.  

“We are here today because this brat made a rude comment about how I look today,” Psyker pointed at Add with an accusing finger.  

“I never said any of that,” Add objected.  He couldn’t believe Psyker could say that with such a serious tone.  How could _anyone_ talk about this with a straight face?  All of this for a stupid dress.  This was completely absurd.  

“Esper, what do you think of this?” Psyker gestured at the ridiculously revealing red dress.  

“Oh, I think it suits you~” Esper cackled as he took a sip from a cup of tea.  How did Esper have a cup of fresh tea so soon when he was holding tightly onto Time just seconds ago?  Add wondered if Esper really meant it or if he said it only because he enjoyed seeing Psyker make a fool of himself.  

“Psych?”

“Yeah!” Psych nodded a little too eagerly for Add to believe him.  There was no way those two actually mean it, did they?  

There was a short break before the horribly dressed Lunatic Psyker asked, “What about Arc?”

“A-arc?” Psych’s voice cracked.  

Add watched as Psych awkwardly slipped Arc off his back with support from Time.  Once Arc was on his two feet with the help of the two tracers, his body was readjusted so that it looked like he was standing.  It was clear that Arc was still sleeping when his head leaned to one side to rest on Psych’s shoulder.     

“Oh, yes!”  Psych adjusted his voice so that it was slightly higher pitch.  Was he trying to mimic Arc?  “It looks great on you, Psyker!” He moved Arc’s arms in time with the forced words.  Add cringed.  Why did Psyker not notice the obvious?  No comments were made about Psych pretending to be Arc.      

When Psyker looked at Time, the tracer grumbled, “Does it look like I care?”  His rabbit ears were crooked to one side when he looked away from Psyker.  At least someone from this group still had some sense in them.                             

“Wouldn’t have expected less from a man who has shit taste in clothes,” Add heard Mastermind stage whisper to Esper.  The time traveler snorted in agreement.  “He wouldn’t know fashion if it dangled in front of his eyes.”

“He does look silly,” Esper whispered back, loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Um, hello?” Add interrupted them.  “I need help getting out of here?”

“What did you say about me?” Psyker sounded calm, but he gritted his teeth when he glared at Mastermind and Esper.  “I’m surprised you’re talking about my fashion sense when you have more legs than the chairs I own.”

“That insult would have worked if this wasn’t the third time you used it on me,” Mastermind was hardly phased by Psyker’s snide comment.  “What do you think, Esper?”

Esper took a sip of tea and sang, “I think we should have a tea party!”

“Not after what you put in the biscuits last time,” Psyker shot down Esper’s invitation.  

“Aw, you guys are no fun,” Esper feigned a hurt expression.

“I think this place is nuts,” Add mumbled.  

“This is a waste of time,” Psyker disregarded Add’s remark.  “The only way to solve this argument is this.”  A set of dynamos appeared behind the man.  Electricity sparked from the edge of the six weapons, as eager as their master to fight.  

“Finally, something we can agree on.” Mastermind shared the same dangerous smile as Psyker.  A similar set of weapons flew behind him.  “Apocalypse!” A purple cube with cat ears appeared out of nowhere and chirped as it chased after Psyker.  The cube deconstructed itself into the shape of a lotus, shooting laser beams at the running Lunatic Psyker with glee.    

The man in the dress laughed, dodging the cat cube’s lasers with a crazed smile and shouted, “Dooms Day!”  

“Don’t leave me out of this fun!” Esper’s white sclera turned pitch black, dynamo at hand.  He dropped the cup of tea and grinned, “Paranoia!”  

Too late to move away, Add was the unfortunate victim of all three attacks.

* * *

Add’s eyes snapped open.  It took a couple of minutes for his mind to clear, his hand reaching to rub his eyes.  What in the name of El Lady did he just dream about?  And why did all of those people look like him?  Add sighed.  He must have eaten too much chocolate last night.  The young teen stretched his arms, relaxing until he rolled over to see a giant stopwatch sitting at his bed stand.  His eyes widened. 


End file.
